Definitely not Edward from Twilight

It's so hard to feel anything but happy while wearing a cape... I wish my cape wasn't a Dracula cape but a superhero cape. I won't complain too much though because there are kids in Africa who don't have capes.

Listening to: "Addicted to Love" by Robert Palmer

Quote of the Day: "Whoa, scary huh? This is a surgery with... an octupus, and a burn victim." -Darryl from The Office

A Dog's Love is Unconditional

Everyday when I go to school I look forward most to coming home, but not for the same reason as most people; to be away from school. I absolutely love coming home from campus to be greeted at the door by my dogs, Douglas and Berkeley. When I park my car in the driveway I can always count on them to be standing there at the kitchen window eagerly looking out at me or behind the fence waiting for me to walk over and give them a head scratch. Then when I finally open the door to the house they are both there waiting for me to pet them and talk to them. They are the two friendliest dogs ever and I love them both so much.

Today was different though. My parents are gone for the weekend to the beach house, and there was no puppy greeting when I got home because Douglas and Berkeley went too. When I pulled into the driveway I completely forgot my parents had taken them with them on vacation and I was really excited to see them. It was such a let down to realize I was walking into an empty house. I really miss my dogs.


Listening to:  "Fallin' For You" by Colbie Caillat

I'm Wearing my Manhunting Face

I'm so into red lips right now... if only the lipstick would stay on better.

I had way too much fun putting that together. (I really love the new sunglasses with the beret I got at Target!)

Listening to:  "Forever" by Chris Brown

I Might Actually be Smart... Well Maybe only a Little

Today, I found out some awesome news. I got the highest test score in my sociological research methods class. Which I must admit makes me a pretty happy lady.

P.S. the song I'm listening to right now is one of my favorites from the musical... wait I love all the songs but it's just such a sweet love song.

Listening to: "All I Ask of You" by Andrew Lloyd Webber from The Phantom of the Opera

Quote of the Day: "And, yet I am not really evil. Love me and you shall see! All I wanted was to be loved for myself." -Gaston Leroux from The Phantom of the Opera

Of All My Senses I Would Never Give Up Sight

I feel myself yearning and itching to do something creative. Recently I haven't had much time for photography, writing, or any of the other mediums of art I enjoy. Nothing I do is super amazing but I always feel a sense of satisfaction when I finish something I set out to do. The other day I found some of my old writings and needless to say I was surprised at the potency of certain parts of each of the different pieces.

I miss going out around to different places and photographing things I see. Looking through the lens of a camera has always felt like looking into a window into another world maybe even my own soul. It blocks out everything else except what you want to see and for a brief moment nothing else exists except what the camera lets you see.

If there is one thing I wish I could do it is paint. To me there is nothing more beautiful than a canvas painted by the masters. I don't imagine myself to ever be that skilled at something but I wish I could capture the colors and beauty of the world around me with brush and paints. Making and mixing colors and having the brush become an extension of myself just seems like a form of poetry that brings you closer to whatever God you chose to believe in or just closer to the world that you're immersed in.

______________________________________________________

Listening to: "From My Head to My Heart" by Evan & Jaron

Missing that Bunny Love

I just didn't have the heart to break these two bunny grahams up.

Even though it's just food it made me think about love, and how great it feels to be in love. How being with someone and knowing you two share that deep connection makes you feel like the most beautiful person in the world. It also made me sad for all the other bunny grahams in the box that weren't connected to another bunny. 

Too bad I ate the others because now they definitely won't find love like those two bunnies.

Listening to: "Mad World" by Gary Jules

Quote of the Day: "I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play together all night." -Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes

Right Hand Cold as Ice

Wow... I just realized it's almost 11:00 PM and I haven't eaten anything since before I had blood drawn except for a cookie and some bunny grahams. Probably need to stop putting everyone and everything first before me.


Listening to: "Roll to Me" by Four Year Strong

Giving Blood to a Vampire Might Hurt

I gave blood today for the first time ever. While waiting in the little area some random guy walks over and sits almost next to me looks at me and just starts talking to me and trying to hit on me. I wasn't aware before today that blood drives were a great place to pick up chicks. Making a mental note.

The guy who took my information had a faux-hawk and spiderwebs shaved into the space above his ears. I spent a total of five minutes going through all the different countries I have been to in the last three years. I was rather surprised at how calm I was during the whole ordeal since I'd never done it before. It didn't even hurt at all. The woman who stuck me with the needle was awesome and we talked the whole time about different stuff. They gave me a purple bandage which absolutely made my entire experience. The thing that hurt the most about the whole experience was probably the finger prick.

I thought I was fine when I left but I started feeling really lightheaded so thank goodness I have a knight in shining armor of my very own to bring me cookies and O.J.


Listening to: "Tomorrow too Late" by Saves the Day

The Gospel of Erin

I found out I'm not the only one doing bad in my women and the bible class in fact most of the people I've talked to have a D or F. I feel better about my C.

I just wish the teacher wouldn't quiz us on the smallest detail from our readings. Maybe she could focus on the bigger picture or main idea of what the reading covered.

Listening to: "Witchcraft" by Frank Sinatra

Quote of the Day: "Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves." -Albert Einstein

I Don't Fit Inside the Beauty Box

I seem to have body issues I can't get past. When I say something negative about the way I look I'm not compliment fishing. I actually believe that I am just a plain ordinary person with nothing exciting about my facial features or my body. There are 101 things I would love to change about the way I look from my eyes to the way my toes look. I think I look so weird without clothes on and just completely awkward. I hate my thighs the most and of course my abdominal area takes the silver medal followed by either my nose or my butt.

Don't confuse me for thinking I'm ugly. I just feel there is no appeal to the way I look that would attract anyone. To me this isn't negativity it's just me being realistic; I'm not nor will I ever look like a model or a beautiful actress.

When people try to tell me I'm pretty I get suspicious of their motives. Maybe this is because when I was in high school I remember very distinctly thinking a guy was really into me and telling a group of friends about whatever it was I don't remember, and one of them said this guy would only be interested in me to get something. I think she meant sex and no one would want me for anything else or because they thought I was pretty or a fun person. My mom also told me constantly when I was in high school how when she was my age she was thinner. I like to think she didn't mean to put any malice behind what she said but sometimes I don't know.

I keep thinking maybe if I lost 20 more pounds my body image issues would disappear but then I realize I would just come up with a new set of things wrong with me. I don't want your compliments because of this post or if I say something negative about myself. People don't realize how fake they sound when they only say something nice about something because they seem to be down on themselves. Also, if someone says something nice about you and you respond with a compliment it just appears to me as if you are trying to say something nice true or not because they said something nice about you.

Listening to: "Can't Take It In" by Imogen Heap

Quote of the Day: "Beauty?... To me it is a word without sense because I do not know where its meaning comes from nor where it leads to." -Pablo Picasso

Oh! my love for you dear...

Oh! my love for you dear

is forever

growing and changing

just as the seasons

of the years.

In the new spring

my love for you dear

was small and delicate

like that of a blossum

of the daintiest flower.

When summer came

and brought with it

the scorching heat and

my love for you dear

was just as sultry sweet.

Autumn came in with swirls of

burning reds and vibrant oranges

my love for you dear

was as beautiful and alive as

the colors of the leaves.

In winter when all was sleeping

quietly waiting for next spring

my love for you dear

was covering my heart

like a blanket of snow.

Oh! darling don't be sad

when the winter is here and

don't think only for the spring

be glad for each day

we are together.

 

photo by Alphonse Mucha

This is just a little poem that came to me while I was driving down the road towards school and taking in all the beautiful colors on the trees. This is not a romantic love poem it's about nature and enjoying it everyday. I'm not a writer so if you leave feedback be gentle.


Listening to: "Melody" by Kate Earl

I Think the Sun must be Shining Down on Me

Midterms are over and I was definitely stressing hardcore there for a bit over my grades. I need to do well in my classes so I can graduate and have a decent GPA to help me forward my education even more. Well the scores are in and here's the rundown:

Violence Against Women: B (doesn't post grades on blackboard)
Gender & the Body: 91 A
Women & the Bible: 76 C
Sociology of Mental Disorders: 88 B
Sociological Research Methods: 93 A

I'm not too pleased with my Women & the Bible grade but it is not an easy class so I'm not really beating myself up over it. I'll just have to try harder in the future on that one and of course keep up the good work in the rest of them.

Besides doing well in school I'm super happy with every other part of my life and I wouldn't change a single thing.


Listening to: "Unlike Me" by Kate Havnevik

Pumpkin Guts Everywhere

The Darth Vader pumpkin I just finished carving... I like to think it's awesome.

Hope you feel the same.

Paul's Transformers jack-o-lantern.

We are both huge nerds and I like it that way.

We still have four more pumpkins to carve so expect to see some more of our amazing jack-o-lanterns on here eventually.

Listening to: "Aliens Exist" by Blink-182

Quote of the Day: "Hold on, man. We don't go anywhere with 'scary', 'spooky', 'haunted', or 'forbidden' in the title." -Shaggy from Scooby-Doo

Let the Wild Rumpus Start!

Paul and I saw Where the Wild Things are today. I'm not sure I would call that a kid movie it was really sad and made me sad thinking the sun was going to die just like everything else on the planet. A plus side is that we raced in our own cars from my house to the theater; I won this round. Then we ran from our cars up to the theater and I lost both of my slip on flats and the race(probably going to start wearing sneakers from now on or at least shoes that won't fly off while running). Finally after they ripped our tickets we raced from there to our seats and I'm proud to say I won that round as well.

People were looking at us as if we were really weird or they were probably just jealous.

Listening to: "Meet Me on the Equinox" by Death Cab for Cutie

Quote of the Day: "I'll eat you up, I love you so." -Where the Wild Things Are (movie)

I am Who I am... and Nothing can Change Me

This is what a VCU graduate looks like. (Well will look like in December.)

Photo Credit: Jeremy Ledford

Listening to: "Jump On It" by The Sugarhill Gang

Quote of the Day: "Maybe we should develop a Crayola bomb as our next secret weapon. A happiness weapon. A beauty bomb. And every time a crisis developed, we would launch one. It would explode high in the air-explode softly-and send thousands, millions of Crayolas. And we wouldn't go cheap, either-not little boxes of eight. Boxes of sixty-four, with the sharpener built right in. With silver and gold and copper, magenta and peach and lime, amber and umber and all the rest. And people would smile and get a little funny look on their faces and cover the world with imagination." -Robert Fulghum

A Ticking Time Bomb Ready to Explode

I'm starting to worry my violence against women class is effecting me on a deeper level. I had a nightmare last night where I was raped some other people were there watching. When I tried to go and tell someone about it people were covering it up and then other people didn't believe me.

I keep having flashbacks and feeling somewhat numb to other things going on around me. I want to talk to someone about what's going on and what I've been through; I've never fully disclosed to anyone. It just seems like so much to just unload on one person and I feel like I can't do that. Telling Paul just doesn't feel like an option to me. I'm scared he'd just start looking at me like I'm only a victim. I just don't know who to talk to everyone seems just as busy as me these days.

Listening to: "Pony (It's OK)" by Erin McCarley

Quote of the Day: "The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer someone else up." -Mark Twain

Can I borrow your towel for a second? My car just hit a water buffalo.

I had no idea this summer it would ever be this amazing... and I am so happy it is.


Listening to: "Follow You Down" by Gin Blossoms

Having a Mini Freakout...

I feel like most people are super excited to graduate from college and get on with their lives; not me. This whole graduating this has me freaking out and have a little breakdown.

I got a thing in the mail from VCU informing me of cap and gown fittings and other important dates associated with graduation. It also came with a card asking me to check yes or no if I was planning on attending graduation. I just wish it would all go away, or even better someone would just deal with it for me.

 This is such a huge deal especially for my parents, and I don't want to let them down. I'm just not sure I'm ready to close this chapter in my life and start fresh. That new beginning also means a lot of important choices and far more responsibilities that I don't think I'm ready for just yet. I have this feeling there is so much more I need to do before I graduate and it just feels like as the date inches closer every second I have significantly less time to accomplish it all in.

I don't want to stay in college forever but I just don't feel ready for this to be over yet. There just seems like there is so much more that I need to do and the future just seems so overwhelming. I don't know what I can use my degree for if I decide nursing school isn't for me. I still feel so lost like every decision I've made so far is completely wrong and I'm screwing up and letting my parents down so much. They've done so much for me and those thoughts absolutely break my heart.

So I'm having a tiny mental breakdown (more like a crack in my happy outlook on everything) and I don't know who to really talk to about it.  I feel so vulnerable right now and I just wish I could hit the fast forward button to move past all of this. I also don't want to dump this on people when they have their own issues and things to do this week. I'm trying my best to make it to the end of the week right now but I just feel so small and scared.


Listening to: "Wherever You Will Go" by The Calling

What I Miss the Most

I wish a year ago I hadn't cut off all my hair... it looks so beautiful. I'm not saying my hair isn't awesome looking now but I miss my long locks.

I just really want to grow it out because I really loved having long hair. It just hits that awkward phase and I go all impulsive with the scissors and get someone to cut off some hair.

Everytime I say I want to grow it out though I cut it off... Help me. I'm addicted to changing my hair. I'm sure working in a salon and getting free haircuts does not help my plight one bit. I want my hair to look like this again so bad though.

Listening to: "Paint it Black" by The Agony Scene

RVa Hasn't Been the Same Without You

Come back to Richmond soon Casey...

... because I miss you!

Listening to: "Laughing With" by Regina Spektor
Quote of the Day: "Missing someone gets easier every day because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other, it's one day closer to the next time you will." -Author Unknown

Be a (wo)man

Worked out to "I'll Make a Man Out of You" at the gym today and it made me want to fight some Huns later.

Listening to: "Hungry Like the Wolf" by Duran Duran

Monday is such a Mess

This week is going to be SUPER busy, and I'm really looking forward to all the different things I have to do. Besides going to all of my classes I have volunteer work to do with SAVES on Wednesday, going to A Rose for Toni, working at both the Gap and Rituals at the end of the week. I was also supposed to volunteer at the Richmond Folk Festival but I'm not sure if I still can with work and everything else going on for me I just don't want to get too overwhelmed. I'm just glad on Monday's I only have one class to help me ease back into my week a little.

I was supposed to go on a haunted hayride with some friends last night and I'm a little bummed it didn't happen because I'm sure it would have been some serious fun. Instead I went to the movies with my friend Heath. We saw Pandorum. It wasn't all that good to be honest. We both were expecting to get really scared, and actually looking forward to it somewhat. At least it had our favorite constipated-looking actor; Denis Quaid. If you're confused by that last sentence watch Vantage Point and just look at his face, and you'll have to agree he looks like he needs to drop the browns off at the superbowl. I guess at least there are plenty of other opportunities to go on the haunted hayride this month so I'm not so bummed about it.

Besides the hayride Paul and I were talking about going pumpkin picking at some point and maybe even apple picking up at Carter's mountain. The only thing is that both of us are busy people so who knows if we'll even have time to do any of this. I'm just really excited to do fun things with him. Pumpkin picking and apple picking are things my family and I used to do a lot when we were younger along with peach picking, white water rafting, and going to the maple festival. I really wish I had more time to do these things now because they were always so fun back then.

Since I only have one class today I'm thinking about going to the gym after I get out. I really want to start going so I can get toned and lose about 10 to 15 lbs. So far I've lost 10lbs from eating a whole lot healthier and not drinking alcohol. I'm trying to get back to where I was at the end of summer '05 but no blonde hair this time around.

The other day my parents informed me that this year for Thanksgiving we're going out. I got the saddest look on my face and all I could ask is if we'd be doing a fried turkey another time this year. I insisted upon actually doing this so I could enjoy my favorite meal of the year and since Paul had recently mentioned never having tried fried turkey before I hope he can make it over for this most glorious feast.

I am going to try to grow my hair out for real this time. I usually say that and then cut it off because it hits that awkward stage and I just cut it. I miss having long hair, and it hasn't been long in over a year. I had to cut it all off then though since the well water was tinting my hair a little green in the back and nothing else seemed to help. I love the way my hair looks right now but I do really miss having long hair that I could tie back or have someone play with. I wish my boyfriend would play with my hair more. It calms me down when I'm stressed, puts me to sleep, and it sometimes sends shivers down my body because it feels so good.

Well, it's time to get ready to greet the rest of the world and maybe I'll go to the gym before class today... who knows.


Listening to: "Kisses and Cake" by John Powell (my favorite song from P.S. I Love You)
Quote of the Day: "Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower." -Albert Camus

Why I had to Stop

Last night I went to Richbrau with Sarah, Paul, and Carl and one of his friends. It was the first time since my birthday that I've been out to the bars. I also haven't had any alcohol to drink since my birthday. Not going to lie it was sort of lame going to the bars and being completely sober. I did have some fun, but it was nowhere near as much fun as the times I used to have when I got drunk. I've had plenty of sober fun since my no drinking decision but none of those times have been inside a bar. It felt like I was completely out of my element even though I've been to plenty of bars, but usually I've been blitzed. 


Another thing that probably added to my completely awkward feeling like a penguin on the north pole is that I know I'm a terrible dancer. My "friend" used to make fun of me nonstop 4 years ago for not being able to dance. I'm just not comfortable anywhere near a dance floor unless I have a suitable amount of alcohol flowing in my system and I'm sure even then I still can't dance but at that point I don't care. I'm usually completely fine with embarassing myself but when it comes to dancing in a club setting I just nearly freeze and constantly wish to be away from the dancefloor. 

I know I could have remedied the situation and ponied up to the bar and started ordering my usual drinks and been set to go. That period in my life where I got hammered as quickly as possible is behind me. I'm trying to be a responsible adult and not have my boyfriend worried about me drinking and driving 3 nights out of the week (he's considerate and gets me the extra ammo box for my Nerf guns and I do my part and don't go out drinking and making stupid choices that would cause anyone's boyfriend/girlfriend to be nervous wreck). I also need to stop wasting money on alcohol, and I have goals of being healthier and losing weight. A huge reason is also I would like to actually remember some of the stupid things I do and the fun times I have with my friends. Sure, drinking can be fun but not drinking and doing other things with people is just as much if not more (because I remember it).

I'm not saying I get so drunk every single time where I can't remember the things I did or said that night I have had plenty of nights where moderation did happen. It's just easier not to take the risk. I do also have plenty of fun memories from times I did get drunk that weren't lost to alcohol and other times I wish had been. Either way I'm happy with the decision to not drink even if it means bars are a lot less fun. I guess the fact that they are bars should be a big hint on them not being so fun when you're sober compaired to when you're drunk.


Even though I don't like all the choices I've made while under the influence some aren't so bad and I really wouldn't change much about the past year (except maybe spending less on alcohol). I did make one choice while I was buzzing on Casey's birthday that I don't regret at all...

Listening to: "Evacuate the Dancefloor" by Cascada
Quote of the Day: "If you've never stared off in the distance, then your life is a shame." -Adam Duritz (or Counting Crows)

Rule #4 Double Tap

Zombieland was AMAZING!!!! So go see it... now.

Listening to: "Everybody Wants Some" by Van Halen

Quote of the Day: "Time to nut up or shut up!" -Tallahassee in Zombieland

Brain Smoothie

I've had this blog for a while and like many things I started with good intentions and excitement it falls by the wayside and remains unused and forgotten (for a while). This probably happens because I am interested in so many things and I still haven't figured out what I'm really good at and where my place is in this world. Sometimes I have so many different thoughts and ideas going on at once I really do feel like someone put my head in a blender and hit frappé. Despite this there are some things that I have seemed to hit the mark on and remained interested in. Recently I will admit many of my passions have been put on hold for school, working at the salon and Gap, some of the volunteer work I'm starting this month, and of course making time for those people around me I value the most in my life (family, friends, and my boyfriend). I love so many things and maybe that is my downfall that I really do want to try everything and experience all the different things life truly has to offer each of us, but I have no intentions of changing the path I have chosen for myself.

Listening to: "Keep Breathing" by Ingrid Michaelson

Quote of the Day: "Did you say it? 'I love you. I don't ever want to live without you. You changed my life.' Did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it, but every now and then, look around; Drink it in 'cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow." -Grey's Anatomy