I feel like most people are super excited to graduate from college and get on with their lives; not me. This whole graduating this has me freaking out and have a little breakdown.
I got a thing in the mail from VCU informing me of cap and gown fittings and other important dates associated with graduation. It also came with a card asking me to check yes or no if I was planning on attending graduation. I just wish it would all go away, or even better someone would just deal with it for me.
This is such a huge deal especially for my parents, and I don't want to let them down. I'm just not sure I'm ready to close this chapter in my life and start fresh. That new beginning also means a lot of important choices and far more responsibilities that I don't think I'm ready for just yet. I have this feeling there is so much more I need to do before I graduate and it just feels like as the date inches closer every second I have significantly less time to accomplish it all in.
I don't want to stay in college forever but I just don't feel ready for this to be over yet. There just seems like there is so much more that I need to do and the future just seems so overwhelming. I don't know what I can use my degree for if I decide nursing school isn't for me. I still feel so lost like every decision I've made so far is completely wrong and I'm screwing up and letting my parents down so much. They've done so much for me and those thoughts absolutely break my heart.
So I'm having a tiny mental breakdown (more like a crack in my happy outlook on everything) and I don't know who to really talk to about it. I feel so vulnerable right now and I just wish I could hit the fast forward button to move past all of this. I also don't want to dump this on people when they have their own issues and things to do this week. I'm trying my best to make it to the end of the week right now but I just feel so small and scared.
Listening to: "Wherever You Will Go" by The Calling
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